Original-Cin Q&A: Heather Graham on the Trials of Directing and Landing a Bankable Star

By Bonnie Laufer

Heather Graham is best known for starring in films like Boogie Nights, Bowfinger and The Hangover, but now she’s all in with her latest movie, Chosen Family.

Graham wrote the screenplay, produced, directed and stars in the movie about a woman who is tired of pleasing everyone around her. She plays Ann, a yoga teacher who cannot escape her manic family, miserable dating life, and inability to say no, leaving her constantly trying to fix everyone else's problems.

Bonnie Laufer spoke with Graham about taking complete control and enjoying the process of filming, Chosen Family, releasing on VOD/digital across Canada October 11.

ORIGINAL-CIN: Is there anything you didn’t do with Chosen Family?

HEATHER GRAHAM: (laughs) I did a lot, it’s true. I was exhausted when I was done, but it was fun to tell a story that I really cared about, and it was a fulfilling experience.

O-C: How did this all get started? There's probably some parts of Ann that are in you to have created this story that also resonates with a lot of us.

HG: There’s definitely a lot of Ann in me, and that's why I wrote it. I wanted to tell the story of a people pleaser and her journey of screwing up her life. I wanted her to free herself from that and show how you can have a family that has dysfunctional dynamics and realize that you don't like these dynamics. These start affecting other relationships, and you're not really sure, ‘How do I break this cycle, this kind of dysfunctional dynamic cycle?’

O-C: Nobody has a perfect family, but in Ann’s case, everyone is pulling at her in different ways. Did you find that you were being pulled in different ways in your own life that you finally had to decide, ‘This is what I am going to do, leave me alone.’

HG: Yeah, I was brought up in a household being taught you're not really supposed to ask for what you want, just do what we want you to do. I was told not to complain and so I soon realized no, it’s good to go after what you want, and if you don't like something, say it. I was brought up not to set any boundaries. So, it was very hard for me to go, ‘No I don't like this or I want that’ or ‘I don't like it when this happens’ or ‘Don't talk to me like that’ because I wasn't taught how to have confidence and self-esteem in that way. It was really through having healthy friendships and different self-help stuff that I learned how to communicate and ask for what I wanted, and to break these unhealthy, dysfunctional patterns that have been in me since I was a kid.

O-C: Did you enjoy directing? Was it comforting having so many years of acting to draw from?

HG: Definitely, I felt confident about working with the actors given my own acting background. Working with your cinematographer and editing, those things are newer to me. I feel like I'm learning a lot in those areas, but it is fun. I do love films and filmmaking, and just learning every aspect of the process. I’m shooting a movie right now in South Africa, and I feel like I know so much more about what goes on behind the camera which I think helps me be a better actor. I really understand what the production designer is doing, and I understand what the editor is doing.

O-C: Is there a director that you've worked with over your career that maybe you took something from that has really stuck with you?

HG: I have taken things from everyone I’ve worked with, but what has stuck with me both in front of and behind the camera is working with someone who has a deep passion in the story that they're telling. They make you feel so appreciated that you're there. That's something I wanted to do, telling an actor I think you're so amazing. ‘I'm so glad you're here, you're doing a great job.’ I think empowering the actor is so important and helpful to the process.

O-C: It’s fun to see Julia Stiles play your sister in the film. She’s got her problems and has some major issues to contend with, but we don't get to see her cast that way very often. How did you decide on her for the role?

HG: It’s amazing she agreed to do the movie. I'm a huge fan. To be honest, her saying yes greenlit the movie. It was her stardom and attaching herself and really liking the script got this film made. But it is cool because she is not this character in real life. She’s extremely together, extremely intellectual, married with kids, and she was willing to play this totally screwed-up girl. She's angry and living in her parents’ house. It’s fun seeing her play this totally different character.

O-C: How much did she bring to the table developing her character?

HG: She brought a lot. I had a vision of the character and what she would wear. I sent her some pictures of Joan Jett wearing a leather jacket, or Blondie so she got what I was going for. She made up a lot of funny stuff, and just went for it, which was cool. There's a scene where we get into a fight, and at that time she was pregnant in real life, and she wasn't really telling anyone. She said to me, ‘Just be careful in the scene because I am pregnant and I don't want to hurt the baby.’ I was shocked that she shot this movie even though she was pregnant. I'm so glad she did it!

O-C: You've always been into wellness and yoga but my goodness Heather, you look amazing. You are 54 but I don't think that you've aged one bit. What is your secret?

HG: Thank you for saying that. I do feel lucky that I'm healthy, and I try to take care of myself. I don't drink, I don't do drugs, I sleep a lot. I meditate and do yoga. I also think surrounding myself with good friends and people. That's the theme of my movie: chosen family. Find your chosen family and feel good about yourself. I do affirmations, because it is hard to feel good about yourself sometimes, but I do them twice a day. I give myself reminders that I feel sexy and beautiful because sometimes I don't feel like that, but I just do those affirmations every day and they really help.

O-C: Now that you have directed and produced and written, do you look at scripts in a different way?

HG: It always goes back to the script. When I get a script and start to read it my first instinct is if I still like it after the first few pages then I will continue on. I have to like what the movie's about, the character, the director, and the other actors. I’m not going to lie: sometimes money is a consideration, but I do want to play interesting roles. I care that the woman's got something cool to do, that my character has something interesting to show, or is complicated and has something to them. I'm grateful that I get to keep working. It's really fun.

O-C: Looking back, what's the hardest role you had to prepare for?

HG: This one. Directing is hard, because you have to think about so many things all at once. You have to find the money, and then you have to find the sets, and then you have to find all the actors and then you're dealing with so many things that you're not usually dealing with. It’s way harder than just playing a character. I have a book I want to option and make it into a film and hopefully it goes through. You have to do all these legal deals and business stuff that I have enjoyed learning about, but it is really hard.

O-C: Boogie Nights is still one of my favorite films and one of your earliest roles. I need to know, can you still roller skate?

HG: I can, but I need to brush up a bit. Interesting story though, I moved and I found my skates, and I was thinking I haven't really worn these skates very much, so I was going to just give them away. Then my manager said, ‘You should donate them to the Academy Museum.’ So that’s what I did and there they are alongside Dorothy's red slippers (from The Wizard of Oz).