Primitive War: Viet Dinos prove Even Better at Defeating Americans than the Viet Cong

By John Kirk

Rating: B-

If there’s a disappointment to the Mesozoic monster film Primitive War, it’s that the question of how many bullets it takes to bring down a velociraptor goes unanswered.

It’s Vietnam, 1968, and a team of Green Berets enters an unidentified jungle location in search of a mysterious research station. There, they are ambushed by dinosaurs, forcing yet another team of reconnaissance experts known as Vulture Squadrons to go in after them. They’ve got all the ordnance they can carry, have a lot of experience but aren’t made aware of what they’re heading into.

More than likely, a dinosaur’s gullet.

Based on the novel of the same name by Ethan Pettus, Primitive War is hardly a film that holds any surprise. While it is a solid story that delivers what it promises, it lacks the ability to capture the viewer’s sense of wonder. Pretty much, it’s guns versus dinosaurs and while I respect the bellowing roar of a Tyrannosaurus Rex, a la Jurassic Park, it’s nothing that impresses me.  

Well, that’s not entirely true. The foley artist’s work on this film did impress. It was pretty cool to hear the actual snapping of the tyrannosaur’s gigantic jaws when they make contact with each other. I can’t recall hearing that in any dinosaur film. Try to think of the sound of slapping a cupped hand over the end of a long cardboard tube and you’ve got the idea.

Also, I was surprised by how ineffective the 5.56 mm M-16 was in actual combat with the dinosaurs. I mean, I know it had its issues in 1968, but even the vaunted and sturdier AK-47 Soviet counterpart with its 7.62 mm ammunition proved likewise as useless.

Now, of course, I’m not referring to a battle with a T-Rex, but there were smaller, pack-hunter dinosaurs that were about the same size as wild dogs that you’d have thought bullets would have been effective against. The size misrepresentation in Jurassic Park notwithstanding (and repeated here), velociraptors were pretty small, and it wasn’t as if they had armoured plates or anything.

Sorry, nerded out on dino trivia for a second.

But there aren’t just dinosaurs and the Viet Cong to worry about. There is a Soviet twist to this film that not only explains the existence of the dinosaurs but gives the film a bit of a 1980’s, Cold-War era vibe. Seeing as the soundtrack consists of pretty much every Creedence Clearwater track that was used in every 1980’s Vietnam War film, it’s also pretty stereotypical one as well. But hey, who doesn’t love seeing a flight of Huey Helicopters fly in sequence to Fortunate Son? Sort of brings back that Forest Gump tone.

Tricia Helfer was a surprise as well. Seeing her in this film as the Russian scientist, Sophia, should raise some eyebrows. As a devout fan of Ronald Moore’s Battlestar Galactica, I can attest to how she stole the small screen with her portrayal of the most seductive killing machine in science-fiction television: the Cylon known only as Six. In this film, she’s tough as nails, dual-wielding a pair of Browning M1911 pistols.

I think I was just hoping to see more of an even match with the firepower of an entire Vietnam era platoon facing off against a horde of terrifying monsters. But. Let’s remember, even though they’ve got claws and fangs and impressive speeds and all that primal jazz, they’re still just animals! That’s where the film crosses over the line of suspended disbelief. Bullets still penetrate; grenades still explosively fragment and even a velociraptor can’t sustain a bullet to the brain, never mind an entire clip.

There’s also a sense in dinosaur films that the creatures seek revenge or act out of some sort of primitive hive-mind intelligence that makes them more clever or insightful. Now I may not have a degree in paleontology and it’s not like I have any experience with dinosaurs other than the cinematic, but I have a great deal of difficulty accepting that a T-Rex can work out that it’s the cannon of a tank it needs to twist with its powerful jaws to render it useless.

There’s a lot to accept in this film that quite frankly, is a bit hard to swallow.

(Yes – I know there’s a dinosaur joke in there somewhere.)

In the end, I had difficulty taking this film seriously. Nobody thought to throw a frag grenade into the open mouth of a devouring T-Rex and it was a failed experiment in seeing how many bullets could take down a velociraptor. Bullets should have won, but nah – that would have made it too easy, wouldn’t it?

I mean, so much for the Green Berets.

Primitive War. Written and directed by Luke Sparke. Stars Ryan Kwanten, Tricia Helfer, Nick Wechsler and Jeremy Piven. In select theatres, with a VOD release Oct. 3.